Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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