Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
