I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
