From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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