I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
