this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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