She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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