I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
