mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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