I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She bit a glass in half.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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