What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
