The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
