I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
