I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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