it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
