But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
