Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
