I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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