she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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