Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
