May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
