Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
