i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
