Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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