I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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