Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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