Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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