you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
