She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
