I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
