i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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