My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
