so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
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Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
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Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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