i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
