is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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