Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
