oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
