Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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