I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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