How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
