ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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