Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
