you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
