Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
