i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
