It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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