Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
