I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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