just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
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