I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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