I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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