Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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