I can text with my tongue
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
