just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
