I just made out with a guy for $7.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
