Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
They took my balls.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
