I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
