I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
