Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wish i was in the wii world.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
