i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
