so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
