My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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