I got chris browned last night
wanna go halves on a baby?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
