I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
