She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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