I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
