dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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