and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
