I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
