my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I need moral support for this bender
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
