the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
