Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
try to milk me bitch
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