We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
