Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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