my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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