So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
