He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I touched a dick in church today
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
