Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
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