can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Randomize
