Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
