2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
