My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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