does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
