Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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